To my friend, who has experienced more heartache than any Momma ever should. Your story is not mine to tell, but these words are for you.
As I sit here and try to come to grips with the awful tragedy that has caused this grief, I find myself completely at a loss. I am at a loss of words to say, to write. At a loss of prayers to pray. Just completely at a loss. I wish there was some way to step into your shoes and take your pain for you. Maybe that is a Momma thing, or maybe that’s just a normal thing, but I have never felt so much like I want to take someone’s place, ever in my life. I have an unshaking feeling that “It should have been me.” Why wasn’t it me?? Why has God asked you to walk this road again? My heart is heavy with your pain, and I find myself empty.
And then, I look at you.
And you are full.
You choose joy amidst suffering. Peace amidst chaos. And truth amidst lies. You have chosen to believe that God is a good God with a good plan. You have chosen to trust in His faithfulness.
When most people would scream and curse God, you praise Him through weeping lips and on collapsed knees.
When most people would turn away, you cling to your Savior and hope in His mercy and grace.
When most people would drown in grief, you allow Jesus to carry you through the heartache and into a glorious new life filled with peace and hope.
You are strong because you continue to trust that God’s plan is good, even when what has happened to you makes absolutely no sense.
You are brave because you proclaim God’s glory even through your own pain and suffering.
You are beautiful because when those around you doubt, you point to God’s faithfulness and goodness.
Your faith is unwavering. Your hope inspiring. And your love overwhelming. You love Jesus so much that you choose Him over everything else. He is your hope and your strong foundation, even when the world around you crumbles.
How can you do that? I don’t have words to express my admiration. My gratitude. And my deep, deep love for you.
When I look at you, I know that God has had His hand on you since before time began, that He has been forming you, shaping you, for such a time as this. And instead of turning away, instead of questioning His purpose, you have wholeheartedly pointed to Jesus throughout the hardest time of your life. I know with every fiber of my being that God will be glorified in your life and will honor the desires of your heart. God has a better plan that He is not ready to reveal yet, and you remind me of that truth and that hope.
Oh friend, how I wish I could take your pain away. That I could change the circumstances and make things different. But for some reason that I simply cannot begin to understand, God has asked you to walk this road again. But the beautiful thing that you have reminded me of is that He has not asked you to walk alone. In fact, He doesn’t even ask you to walk at all. He has carried you, and will continue to carry you as long as you don’t have the strength to stand on your own. You have shown me what it means to rest in that knowledge and to lean on God’s power, His sovereignty, and His comforting presence. The cry of my heart is that God would fill you up until you are brimming, that after having given so much of yourself, He would honor your faithfulness by filling your cup. And my prayer is that one day, I too can stand unfaltering on the rock of my Faith and point others to Jesus in the same way that you have pointed me to Him.
I love you.